This is one of the best self-help books in existence. The insights are incredibly powerful ideas about how humans interact with one another. The title puts a bad wrap on the whole book because it makes it seem to be about manipulation. But in reality, the book teaches how to build long-lasting, genuine relationships. And how to care for other people.
In a few words, it can be summarized as - care for other people because they care for themselves as much as you care for yourself. Everybody is the main character in their life. You should treat people like that, without expecting anything in return. Treat them like they are the main character, because to them, they are.
Just be genuinely friendly and helpful where possible. Arguing, and letting the ego get in the way are always the wrong things to do. Because humans are not rational arguing machines, instead they are irrational beings, who usually get more entrenched in their opinions when you confront them with why they are wrong.
Changing or influencing people, therefore, doesn't happen with argument. It happens more subtly, by being involved with their lives, caring for and appreciating their point of view. And if you don't do that, you'll have a hard time, both in personal and professional relationships.
And that's what this book is about in the end, it is trying to make you a better person, by understanding how other people "work".
- Don't criticize condemn or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arous in the other person an eager want.
Be a Nice Person
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember Names.
- Be a good listener. Listen with intent. Encourage others to talk about themselves and what is interesting to them. Not as a "hack" but because you want to know what they think, and why they think it. Very very similar to Habit 5 - Seek first to understand, then to be understood
- Talk in terms of other person's interests
- Make the other person important. Sincerely. Care for People.
Win People to Your Side of Thinking
- Never argument.
- Never tell people they are wrong. Never.
- If wrong, admit it quickly and empathically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person to say yes.
- Get the other person to talk mostly.
- Let other people claim ideas as theirs if you want that they believe them.
- See things from the perspectives of others.
- Appeal to nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. Criticize generally.
- Talk about your mistakes before criticizing.
- Ask questions instead of giving orders.
- Let others save face. Help them save face.
- Praise. Specifically.
- Imagine what the other person could become. Tell them.
- Encourage to correct mistakes.
- Make the other person happy to do your suggestions.